We all get the emails and phone calls asking how to break into voice acting.  Usually people are cordial and professional about it, and if they’re not, you kinda gauge the person behind the approach accordingly.

Occasionally, someone will mistake your business as one that casts jobs or books work.  I get that one once in a while, too.

But the email I got the other day was 11 words of pure crap.  Here it is:

How can I apply for work with you? Are there openings?
How nice.
I just let the email sit there for a couple of days, and finally decided on this response:
Is this your approach communication to prospective clients?  
Aside from “Hi” and “Rxxxx”, you really hope to open a door with 11 blunt words, written in two interrogative sentences?
You’ve told me nothing of yourself, and you’ve assumed things about me that are not true.
I’m just a voice talent, not a person who hires voice talent.
Unless you tell me otherwise, I’m going to use your email to me as the subject of a blog that explains how NOT to market yourself.
Dave Courvoisier

Last night, I got a blocked call on my cell phone.  I didn’t answer.  But the caller left an almost unintelligible message.  Within minutes this email response to my above reply also came across:
Never heard of you.and.now.I.see why
Also, you shouldn’t associate with.such.parsimonious clients like Coke and Microsoft you are obviously warped.and.God.will.strike ya.for.that 
Also, I.send more info to.people.worth sending.it.to….I.caught your.attention enough 
Also.learn.not.to.be.so.ignorant.clients set the.rules not you fool.client.is.king.!!! I.see.why you.didn’t make.forbes list ……
Don’t.support anti.Christian organizations.either 
Guess we all need to be careful out there sometimes.  Some people can turn the best intentions into something twisted.